


Aliens Made Them Do It -- Again

by zellieh



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Aliens Make Them Do It, Bondage, Captivity, Comedy, Consent Issues, Crack, Het, Humor, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Light-Hearted, Metafiction, Moresomes, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con References, Slash, Team Bonding, Threesome, Wordcount: 100-500, debriefing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-29
Updated: 2005-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 09:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zellieh/pseuds/zellieh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, after reading yet another AMTDI fic, this came to mind -- a light-hearted look at how they'd report back after yet another mission where Aliens Make Them Do It.   </p><p>Elizabeth Weir had a headache. It was her own personal Pavlovian response to the words ‘Sheppard,’ ‘McKay,’ ‘mission,’ and ‘debriefing.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aliens Made Them Do It -- Again

Elizabeth Weir had a headache. It was her own personal Pavlovian response to the words ‘Sheppard,’ ‘McKay,’ ‘mission,’ and ‘debriefing.’

"So, let me get this straight. The aliens captured you and tied you up?"

"Yep." John was trying not to smirk – and failing.

"And forced you to have sex."

"Yep." Damn him. That smirk was smug.

"Again?"

"What do you mean, again?" John tried to look hurt. The effect was slightly spoiled by the visible hickey on his neck. "We’ve never been to PR3 667 before!"

"Well, yes, I know that. I just meant, this is what, the eighth..."

"Ninth," said Carson.

"Ah, yes, thank you, Carson. The ninth time this month-"

"Oh, come on, Elizabeth, it’s not our fault." 

Elizabeth couldn’t believe John was trying to look innocent while covered with whisker burns.

"Yeah, it’s not like we ask the aliens to tie us up, drug us, and force us to have sex all the time. I mean, do you know how dangerous that is? I’m very delicate! I have allergies! I could-"

"Yes, thank you, Rodney, I think I remember the speech." And that was McKay Headache #13, right on cue. "Teyla?"

"I am confused. My people have not been involved in such rites before." Teyla did look confused. Confused, and... rumpled. "My people have always found the Pornoh to be very friendly."

"Aye, well, they were a mite too friendly, if you ask me." Carson, damn him, was trying not to laugh. Elizabeth could feel her temples throbbing.

"Ronon?"

"I don’t see what the problem is. I enjoy having sex with Teyla. She’s very... athletic."

Oh, God. Ronon had hardly been on the team any time at all, and he already knew just how to make her headaches worse. She missed Ford. Ford had hardly ever given her a headache. Well, except for that one time when she was too close to the blast, but he’d apologised and promised never to make fireworks with Zelenka again...

"All I’m saying is, the SGC are starting to ask questions about this. I mean, this never happened to SG-1."

"Well, um, actually... Um."

"What?" She manfully tried to ignore the even-more-obvious marks on Rodney’s paler skin. Dr Elizabeth Weir was not going to think about Rodney and John and... Oh, God. No. Just– no. "Rodney?"

"Well, actually, Sam told me it happened to SG-1 every other mission; they just didn’t tell General Hammond. I mean, can you imagine trying to give a detailed report about kinky alien sex rituals to Hammond? He looks like everyone’s favourite grandfather."

"So I’m just lucky, then?"

"Uh, well… You could consider it a sign of trust?"

"Yeah, Elizabeth, we trust you." And John smiled, instantly causing Sheppard Migraine no. 9. It really was Pavlovian. Elizabeth put her head in her hands and groaned. Carson silently handed her the usual pills, and a glass of water.


End file.
